


i think you're too divine for my human mind.

by moonlightavenue



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, hell yeah, opera singer!haseul, pianist!vivi, trying to write angst for the first time so if this sucks... im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-20 20:01:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16144475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightavenue/pseuds/moonlightavenue
Summary: in which vivi is a widely-known pianist and haseul is a well-known opera singer that has been a fan of vivi for ages. she's also been in love with her for the longest time, but, for some reason, all her last attempts to approach vivi have failed.x lowkey inspired by mac miller's soulmate.





	1. Chapter 1

 

"Baby, where'd you go? What's so wrong? I'm right here..." - Haseul thought to herself after Vivi ran away from her. The truth is that she would understand what was going on very soon. And she would not like what was behind Vivi's constant refusals to her date proposals.

Her crush started when she watched Vivi play the piano for the first time, two years ago. She had actually come to see one of her best friends, Kim Hyunjin, play the violin. Hyunjin played most songs alone but during the last one, Beethoven's no. 9 violin sonata "Kreutzer", she invited Vivi to play the piano parts. The result was incredible. Every note hit by Vivi's piano went straight to Haseul's heart, that beat harder and harder while the older girl played, her beautiful white dress moving together with her incredibly fast hands. Haseul wondered what these hands could do to her. She was eager to find out, so she ran backstage in order to ask Hyunjin to introduce her to Vivi. Hyunjin laughed at her friend's boldness and wondered if she could do something similar to her girlfriend Heejin, back when they were still just close friends. Hyunjin was very aware that they would have never dated if the first move was up to her. For Hyunjin's happiness, she soon found out Heejin wasn't as shy as her, so the girl quickly asked Hyunjin for a soft movie date. Back to the present, Hyunjin held Haseul's hand and said she was going to take the girl to Vivi's dressing room. Haseul got instantly nervous and started to fix her own hair every three seconds, when her hair wasn't even messy in the first place. 

Hyunjin forgot to knock before going in Vivi's waiting room, probably because she was used to doing so whenever she hang around Vivi's house, their closeness allowing such examples of bad manners. What surprised both Hyunjin and Haseul was that Vivi was getting out of her white dress, holding her phone and texting someone while her black bra was still on. Haseul's face got red in seconds. She couldn't believe what had just happened. Sure, Vivi was beautiful. Seeing Vivi on her underwear was something that definitely had some  _appeal_ to Haseul. But she didn't want it to happen that quickly and being aware that her face was completely red made her even more embarrassed. Surprisingly, though, Vivi smiled widely and said:

"Ya, Kim Hyunjin! Knocking before going inside a room really isn't your thing, huh? Who is your pretty friend? She seems more embarrassed than me, look at how red her face is!"

Haseul didn't know if Vivi's warm smile or the fact that she had just called her  _pretty_   was responsible for making her face even more red. Maybe both could be held accountable. Then, she mumbled:

"Hi-i-i. I'm Jo Haseul, a friend of Hyunjin and an opera singer. It's a pleasure to meet you. I really enjoyed your performance with Hyunjin, which was why I asked her to be brought here. I just didn't expect to arrive while you were still changing. I'm really sorry!"

"It's fine. Hyunjin comes without any sort of announcement into my room all the time, so it's quite common for her to see me half or fully naked. What you saw today isn't anything next to that."

Hyunjin is so fucking  _lucky_ , Haseul thought. She was glad Vivi was chill about it, though. Her face finally felt less and less red, until it was back to its original color. Hyunjin held both of their hands and announced they were going to a restaurant nearby, where Heejin was waiting for them. Vivi smiled even widely, while Haseul wondered how that was possible.

Heejin said hi to all of them and kissed Hyunjin, doing that nose boop thing that was such a  _2jin thing._ Haseul thought about how she wished she could also kiss Vivi right there and create some sort of _ViSeul thing._ Soon, they were all laughing of Heejin's non stop stories about awful high school teachers and pranking them. Vivi and Haseul, being legally adults, started to drink and, after a few soju bottles, Haseul felt even more bold than usual. She looked straight to Vivi's eyes and said:

"Vivi, did you know today is my birthday? And I wish for a gift that only you can give to me."

Vivi laughed and asked Heejin if it was true that Haseul's birthday was that day. Heejin was having fun with the two girls dynamics so she forced herself to have a serious look and said yes, without a single doubt. Then, Vivi said:

"Fine, I suppose I'm legally obligated to grant your birthday wish. But make sure you choose a good one, it's not like you're getting another one of these during this year."

Haseul laughed because she wasn't expecting Vivi to say yes. She felt thankful towards Heejin. So, she said to Vivi:

"Okay, close your eyes."

Vivi gave a little smirk to Haseul before closing her eyes. Then, Haseul kissed her. Hyunjin started clapping while Heejin almost choked on her chicken wings. Vivi opened her eyes and wondered if she should stop or just give in to the kiss. She chose the latter. Damn, Haseul was a really good kisser. 

That happened two years ago. After a few months their kiss happened, Vivi started a huge tour on Europe. Haseul couldn't travel there because she had her own tour going on, visiting almost every country on South America. Out of nowhere, Vivi announced a career hiatus. She became harder and harder to contact, even to close friends like Hyunjin. Haseul didn't know what she could do.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Vivi couldn't believe what her medical results revealed. It was just a check-up type of exam, the usual kind she would take after touring for some months in foreign countries. She had just been diagnosed with MSA (Multiple System Atrophy), a progressive, neurodegenerative disease affecting movement, blood pressure and other body functions.

Slowly, but certainly, Vivi would experience symptoms like stiffness, slowed movements, loss of balance and coordination, to an extent that, after the meds stopped working, she would need a feeding tube because she wouldn't be able to swallow food on her own anymore. What scared her more than anything, almost as much as death itself, was the loss of coordination. Her hands, oh my God. She would _never_ be able to play piano again. And that, for a pianist who loved her job and who felt that her self-worth relied on the quality of her performances, was unbearable.

She contemplated suicide, she really did. But soon, she gave up on that idea thinking about how much her parents and friends would suffer. Fine, they would suffer after knowing about her recent diagnosis too. But they could still visit and take care of her when needed.

Finally, Vivi thought about Haseul. The girl with kind eyes, a warm heart, some real boldness and that was one hell of a good kisser. She couldn't tell Haseul about her disease. She knew Haseul, with her stupidly big heart, would want to take care her and feel utter _pity_ towards her. She would rather die than have the person she loved loving her back out of pity.

Then, she decided that she would take a break from her career, spending most of her time recording her own piano performances before it was just too late to do so. Also, she decided to avoid seeing her family and friends, until she wouldn't have a choice to tell them about her disease, since the symptoms would be too obvious.

She did _miss_ Haseul a lot, though. And she knew it would get worse with time. It was hard to get her head back to work when all she wanted was to think about Haseul's incredible kissing abilities, constantly replaying the moment when her entire body lit up after feeling how soft Haseul's lips were. Vivi wanted Haseul more than anything, she realized. She knew Haseul's presence would be enough for her, even after her hands stopped moving properly and she needed a wheelchair to move through her own home. It was obvious to Vivi that she would be able to feel Haseul's touch long after losing the ability to feel anything at all.

Vivi grabbed her phone to put some music on, trying to get rid of the thought of Haseul's face. As usual, her random player on Spotify wasn't of any significant help. It couldn't care less about her tragic love live and recently found degenerative disease. It played Soulmate by Mac Miller. Vivi heard the intro patiently.

_"You feel like you're alone, Will? You have a soulmate? Somebody who challenges you. I'm talking about someone who opens up things for you—touches your soul. You can't give back to them, you know. You'll never have that kind of relationship in a world where you're always afraid to take the first step because all you see is every negative thing ten miles down the road. You can do anything you want, you are bound by nothing."_

To Vivi, soulmate and Haseul were perfect synonyms. She knew, then, that she _loved_ Haseul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was hard to write.


	3. Chapter 3

Haseul finally found Vivi. Hyunjin was able to contact her some weeks ago and even though Vivi made her promise she wouldn't tell the older girl's address to Haseul, she had to. She couldn't stand seeing Haseul suffering any longer. It was time to find out what was going on with Vivi.

Vivi was living in Europe, spending most of her days divided between recording her piano concerts and feeling Haseul's absence. It was getting harder and harder to deal with how much she missed Haseul. But she knew that the choice she made, no matter how much it hurt, was the right one for both of them.

Maybe because Vivi missed Haseul that much, she wasn't exactly surprised when her bell rang and Haseul was standing there. The younger girl was wearing a red dress that fit her perfectly. She was also holding a white umbrella, since it started to rain heavily a few minutes before she found Vivi’s house in Stockholm.

"We need to talk." - she said, as soon as Vivi closed the door behind them.

"I know why you're here for. And I cannot give you what you want. As much as I really want to." - Vivi said.

"No, Vivi, you don't know why I'm here. I can't force you to tell me why you got so distant, announced a career hiatus without even talking to Hyunjin about it or isolated yourself from family and friends by living in a different country. I'm here to tell you something else."

"What is it?" - the older girl said, scared of what Haseul could answer.

"I _love_ you. I've been in love with you ever since I saw you play with Hyunjin that day, two years ago. And it's okay if yoy don't feel the same, it really is. I just want to be close to you, help you in whatever you need help with. I'll be here whenever you need me."

"I-I don't know what to say, Haseul..."

"It's okay, I had a feeling you didn't love me back after all the missed calls and running from me incidents, but-"

"No, it's not that. I love you too. I probably love you even more than you love me. I love you in a way that you're not even capable of understanding, not you or anyone. _I love you in a way that makes the Sun feel jealous and the stars less meaningful._ "

"I don't understand, then... Why can't we be together?"

"I'm sick, Haseul. Seriously sick. I'll soon start to get weaker and weaker, until I'll need a wheelchair and even a feeding tube. I don't want to force you to go through this. It's my pain. I should deal with it by myself."

"You're wrong, Vivi. _Your pain is my pain too._ No one should have to deal with their own pain by themselves. Everyone has someone that cares for them so deeply that this person wishes they could feel their pain instead. I'm this person, Vivi. _I wish I could experience your pain instead of you_."

"You don't understand, do you? You don't understand at all. I don't want you to help and be close to me out of _pity_. _I don't need your pity, Haseul_. I need your _love_."

"Who said I would help you out of pity? Love is all about caring when someone' sick too. Don't be so stubborn. Let me be with you."

Vivi had nothing left to say in order to convince Haseul that she should go. And even if she had, she wouldn't say anything. She wanted to be with Haseul more than anything. And it was with that thought in mind that she held Haseul's hands and kissed her, knowing that, no matter how painful the next years could be, she had Haseul by her side and that was _everything_ she needed. 


End file.
